Embody, Don’t Explain
Living The B:Side Way
If you’ve ever followed my work, you’ll know I’m a student of Stoicism. My entry into the world of the Stoics came in an unexpected way, through a 2010 article in *The Wall Street Journal* about Admiral James Stockdale. Stockdale, a naval aviator, was shot down over Vietnam and spent over seven years in the infamous “Hanoi Hilton” POW camp, four of which were in solitary confinement. As he parachuted into hostile territory, with his aircraft destroyed and his life about to change forever, Stockdale thought to himself, “I’m leaving the world of technology and entering the world of Epictetus.”
Stockdale's connection to Stoicism, and particularly to Epictetus' Encheiridion, was a major part of how he survived those brutal years of imprisonment. The Encheiridion—or The Handbook—is a guide to practical Stoic wisdom, offering lessons on how to face life's challenges with mental resilience and emotional control. Among all the lines in that handbook, one stands out above the rest: “Don’t explain your philosophy. Embody it.”
That line hits home for anyone in leadership. There’s an irony here—especially for those of us who have written books or built frameworks, like The B:Side Way. In a world where we explain everything, document every step, and constantly talk about strategies, Epictetus' challenge is this: Stop talking. Live it. Your actions will always speak louder than your words.
Why Embodiment Matters More Than Explanation
Psychologically, there's a reason why embodying your principles is far more effective than explaining them. Human beings are wired to observe, model, and learn from behavior more than words. While someone can tell you about the virtues of discipline, courage, and resilience, it’s the person who lives those virtues day in and day out that leaves a lasting impression.
Cognitive dissonance also plays a role here. When there’s a gap between what someone says and what they do, we naturally distrust their words. Think of any leader you've known who preached integrity but cut corners, or someone who talked about teamwork but only cared about their own success. It doesn’t take long before their words start to feel empty. The reverse is true as well: when someone lives what they preach, even without saying a word, they inspire trust and credibility.
This is especially true in leadership. People follow actions, not speeches. They look to leaders to set the tone and the example. You can talk all day about values like integrity, empathy, or accountability, but if you don’t live those values, your words won’t matter. Epictetus was telling us that the greatest philosophy is one we don’t explain, but rather, one we demonstrate through how we live our lives.
The Discipline of Living Your Values
Epictetus wasn’t against teaching philosophy—he spent his life doing exactly that. But he understood that words alone aren’t enough. Real philosophy is about action. And that’s where discipline comes in.
Living your beliefs requires more than understanding them. It demands discipline—especially when no one is watching. It’s easy to talk about principles like integrity when everything is going well, but what happens when you’re tested? When you’re exhausted, under pressure, or tempted to take the easy way out? That’s when living your values matters most. Here are a few ways to develop the discipline needed to embody your philosophy.
1. Constant Reflection
Living your philosophy starts with self-awareness. You have to be intentional about reflecting on your actions. Ask yourself: “Did I live according to my values today? Did I lead by example?” Every decision, especially the small ones, is an opportunity to practice what you preach. Consistent reflection is key to ensuring that your actions align with your values.
2. Consistency Over Time
The hardest part of embodying a philosophy is maintaining it consistently. Anyone can live by their values when it’s convenient. But true discipline comes when you stay consistent, day in and day out, even when it’s hard. That’s what builds trust—not just with others, but with yourself. The more consistent you are, the more living your values becomes second nature.
3. Accountability Partners
None of us are perfect. There will be times when we fall short. That’s why having accountability partners is crucial. Surround yourself with people who know your values and aren’t afraid to call you out when you slip up. It’s a humbling practice, but it ensures that you stay grounded and committed to living your philosophy.
Living The B:Side Way
So how do we embody The B:Side Way in our daily lives? It’s about taking the concepts we talk about and turning them into tangible actions. Here are a few examples:
- Lead by Example: If you expect your team to be disciplined, model that discipline yourself. Whether it’s being the first to show up, or being the last to leave, your actions set the standard. Leadership is about doing, not just directing.
- Share Credit, Take Responsibility: Leadership isn’t about you; it’s about the people you lead. When things go well, share the credit. When things go wrong, take responsibility. This not only shows humility but builds a culture of trust and accountability.
-Stay Curious and Open: Curiosity drives innovation and growth. In leadership, this means constantly asking questions, seeking new perspectives, and being open to feedback. But curiosity can’t just be something you talk about—you have to live it by continually challenging your assumptions and exploring new ideas.
The Power of Example
There’s a reason why “Don’t explain your philosophy. Embody it” resonates so deeply. In leadership, the greatest impact isn’t made by what we say but by how we live. The people around us aren’t listening for grand speeches—they’re watching how we show up in the day-to-day. Do we make the hard decisions? Do we stay true to our values when no one is looking?
At B:Side, we don’t just talk about values like integrity, discipline, and accountability—we strive to live them every day. It’s not easy, and it requires constant effort and reflection. But if we can live in alignment with what we believe, we create something far more powerful than words or frameworks. We create cultures where people know they can trust us because our actions speak for themselves.
Epictetus was right. Words are cheap. But the discipline to live your values—that’s what sets you apart as a leader. It’s what makes people trust you, follow you, and ultimately, want to be part of something greater than themselves.